A musing :)

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Moving the darkness like kohl ,from the pillows of snowy white mountains a sun raised its head and saw that on the hills of someones heart there is a season of  love.

On the stems of the memories there are innumerable flowers of past which has started giving out its mesmerising fragrance.

Some unsaid and unheard wish which is still partly in sleep has started rubbing its eyes and it sees that flowing like a river, life is new in its every wave.

Remembering that some one once said that on the lap of life there is never ending love and there is also a long wait for someone too.


And it waves off by the silent feeling that on barren land of someones heart soon there is gonna be a rain of love. :) :)  

SOME REGRETS.........

(image courtesy -google)
We met ,we fell for each other and we fall apart too.You became my dream and that dream which I saw with open eyes. But now all we have is a miles of space in between us.Still there are some unknown threads which are tying me to you ,still I see the dreams of both you & me to be together. I don't know how should I tell you about those feelings which are still alive some where in my heart,but please don't get me wrong,for your sake I've tried and I've tried hard to completely let you free.But still there is something which binds you and me.May be my eyes can explain what my heart feels because I am unable to find words to explain it . I don't know was it your talks ,your smile or your first touch which made me fall for you or it all happened after you left -please don't ask me I have no idea about it. I know that you tried and tried your best but may be it was my insecurities which didn't let me speak my heart and I still regret that why I didn't said what I felt for you - Why I didn't said yes,even i feel the same for you.

VACUITY

(image courtesy -google)
The shine of moon is slowly fading
The twinkle of stars is vanishing too
Everything seems to be so dark and empty
And my love is asking your ego for some pity
My life has turned its face on me
And I am still lost somewhere in midst of your sea
The silence which I am hearing is loudest of all
I still remember you swore to handle me when I fall
How should I kill memories of every second I spend without you?
Or how should these few lines explain my unbearable spasm to you?
For your single answer I have longed for my whole life
But I wonder how my tears wouldn't even give you a strike
This night is darkest and longest of all I've ever seen
Still I hope you to be here, as you promised,you would have been

MEMORIES :) :)

People say childhoods are always special and yes they always are ,most of us have awesome childhood filled with our adorable sweet innocence and naughtiness. I have to say though I had born in a middle class family ,my parents have brought me up like a princess ,although i never got what i wanted but they always gave me what i needed and I never remember the day when I had long for something I needed. though my mom have been a strict mom but  I have always been a mama's girl (Still I am :P) , I still don't have a courage to go beyond her words (Not because of fear but due to respect , I respect her to the core ) ,I know how how much she has went through to bring me up. So where were we ? ya childhood and you know what guys, I just love children ,their smile can make my whole day ,even it may be a random kid ,I can start playing with them ,i just love kids - so was just asking my mom about my childhood yesterday - and she started with "please don't remind me of that" and I was like ?? ( I gave her an exclamatory look ) and said areeeeee c'mon  tell me na maa and she told me you were the naughtiest child I've ever seen in my whole life ,you showed me stars in day time and I was like LOL. I  told "maa ab bachee toh aise hi hote hai" (maa kids are like that only )and finally I felt I was normal as other humans ;) pheeewww what a relief to hear that :D :D and suddenly she reminded me of diwali and saree wala incident and I was laughing out loud remembering that ,well at that time I was around 10 years old and I remembered that incident quite well , It was diwali time, No! actually one day before diwali and as usually i hadn't went to school ,I was damn lazy to go to school. Once in a week(during working days -sundays not included)  I always had a bahana (excuse) to how to avoid school, indeed now I can write the 2 volumes book on those bahana's I made during that time. I never liked to go to school although my mom was strict but on this part she was not that much interested. Whether I go to school or not but she made sure that my studies are not getting suffered. My mom always made me study on my holidays for at least 5 hours per day (now thats what we call as torture but anything is legit to get a holiday -so mom's conditions accepted )and my grades were quite good always ;) and so my parents were happy and never forced me to go school when I didn't wanted. But ya only one holiday was allowed in a week after that none of my tantrums worked :P. My teachers always use to get furious when I didn't went to school , but as i was good in studies they just used to scold me for this and leave me ,they even didn't took that seriously :P But  I always use to tell my friends (very proudly) dekha miss mujhe kitna pyaar karti hai ,jab mein nai aati to miss mujhe kitna daant ti  hai  kyunki woh mujhe bauaht pasand karti hai and tereko toh kabhi puchti bhi nai :P :D(miss scolds me because she loves me and misses me alot but she don't even ask about you :P :P) One of my friend rupal always used to get angry red all because my such dialogues :P :P So it was one day before diwali ,my mom had went to temple and as usually I was standing in front of  TV and was dancing like a retard ( I still can't dance :P ) ,I even remember the song it was oh oh jane jaana dundhe tujhe diwana :P

(image courtesy -google )
I had a hard core crush over salman during my childhood I always love watching him and I love his songs too although now it has passed on to ranbir <3 :P :P So the main door was locked as I always use to run out of home and then finding me in a building of 108 houses  was a big deal  for my mom after that,so she always locked the main door and go but people can contact me from the kitchen window ,So i was busy in my dancing business and there is a knock at my window ,I went to my kitchen it was our building sweeper aunty - She smiled at me but i didn't smiled -I stared at her :O(actually as per my mom during those days i never used to smile except for posing in front of camera otherwise I always used to stare people :P :P now please don't ask me why - I have no idea :P ) I asked her yenna venno? (what do you want ?) She told you remember your mom promised to give me a saaree yesterday evening as a diwali gift ? I told yes ,so ? please tell your mom to give me now ,as I will not come tommorow and i don't have anything to wear .... I got really emotional by her words ,I was an emotional fool during my childhood (actually still I am ) As mom was not at home ,so i decided to give her the saaree -I told her to wait there and went to the wardrobe and I took out a really good saare -, I thought she will like it and gave her :P she said  thankyou and went of happily - so- I happy ,she happy ,which indeed made me think will make my mom happy too and i was damn excited to say mom about this incident and thought that mom would be glad because i did such good work :P :P  I was eagerly waiting for her ,i was dancing all over my home like i have went nutz -so mom came - as soon as she opened the door i ran to her screaming Mommmyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy and got wrapped around her (My excitement levels were always at their peak ,when ever i did something different ) My mom was surprised by seeing me so excited she asked babuu (now that's my pet name - no body should laugh on it :P ) what have you done today haan? ( she asked mischeviously) I narrated the whole incident proudly :P to her .After hearing the whole thing she was shocked  and ran to the wardrobe opened it and asked which saaree did you gave to her ? ? (shockingly ) i told mama that blue wali saari which you wored on chachu's (uncle) wedding :P :P and she told "u mad girl (in gujju ufcourse ) that was my fav saaree and I had wored that only twice" and suddenly my maa turned into maa durga with in a fraction of seconds the only diffrence was she had belen in her hand instead of trishul and  I had too run out of the home before she could catch me :P :P i went to gate running then turned and gave her a look of -"catch me if you can"  and  again started running :P :P

(image courtesy - google )

 yesterday was laughing out loud remembering this but that day the same incident was like my last day on this earth :P :P :D

FEELING OF FIRST LOVE :) :)

First love is always an unforgettable part of your life - It will always be inseparable form heart -The memories it leaves is something from which you can never move on  even when have moved on from your relationship . Its that fragrance which clings to you till your life time . Its something which you can't get it off even if you want too. I mean all the first things in life are really special ,like first job ,first rains etc but first love is some thing which is unexplainable :) It would be the most beautiful part of anybody's life :)


                                                                    (image courtesy - google )

 The first feeling of being with someone is eternal
 That first feeling of security ,when walking down the streets in winter night with him
 That feeling when his one good morning text can make your whole day
 That moment when the front seat of his car is just reserved for you
 That feeling when he suddenly holds your hand while crossing road,and you just want that moment to pause there
 That feeling when he is not afraid to stand by you through your worse
 That feeling when he assures you that he will be with you till your life
 That cute feeling when sometimes he carries your shopping bags getting over his ego
 That feeling when he gets possessive when some tries to flirt with you
 That feeling of wearing his jacket
 That feeling of being with a person who don't care about how you look
 That moment when he sings just for you 
 That feeling when he says don't worry, No matter what I am always there for you 
 That feeling of getting drenched in rain with him
 That feeling when you know nothing can go wrong as long as he is with you 
 That feeling of changing for him and that cute moment when he tries to change for you
 And That most pure feeling of having somebody ,whom nobody can share.
 He is just and just for you :) :)

An encounter with early morning rains :)

It was around early -early morning 6 ,and I was totally lost in my sweet dreams of  R.K   A.K.A  Ranbir kapoor :P  my well known crush :D :D - Well I am not a morning person at all. I can hardly and very badly wake up at 8am. After 18 years of hard core efforts by my mom ,now she has also realized that its just a waste of time to expect me to wake up early in the morning but to my knowledge Isn't 8 am early too and I can say that because I know some retards who wake up at 11 and 12 so shouldn't my mom  be proud of me that her always obedient and sincere daughter (yeah that's me :D )atleast tries to wake up at eight although that 8 mostly becomes 8:30 to quarter to nine but atleast I try :P Anyways we cannot explain or argue with mom. I hope she realizes my worth someday :P :D
So lets come back to the topic , it was around 6 am , I encountered the most beautiful moment of my life ,as you already know i was lost in the dreams of my RK and in my dream I was just about to fall and RK was just about to catch me but in meanwhile Some  rain droplets were escaping from my window and were directly landing on my face and It woke me up and the dream was over Sob* Sob* but that day I woke up without alarm clock but with the sound of rain and smell of mud was all over my home - believe me it was an divine experience-It was the most beautiful morning ever and I finally realized why mom says wake up early in the morning ,who knows it may give you some lifetime memories to cherish and yes it was certainly magical. I grabbed my hoodie ,it was quite cold and any how I love to wear hoodies ,so no matter what I just need a reason to wear them as in chennai's heat you get very less moments where you can wear your hoodies and sweaters ,so whenever I get that chance I grab it :D and just sat beside my window , and streched my arms outside ,raindrops were dancing in my palms ,it was just a site to cherish - I love rains but it was the first time when i am experiencing morning rains ,it was really a feel good experience just made a cup of hot chocolate and again sat beside the window , this was the time for just myself - only self thoughts -remembering all good goody moments with friends and family and smiling like an idiot.Thinking if life can just pause here.

(picture courtesy Arpit shah photography  )

This is the season of love as some people say and it happened to be the same with me ,even i falled in love ,No no don't get me wrong ,Yes i falled in love but with nature :D  Just thinking all the sweet thoughts with those naughty little rain droplets still falling on my face and other dancing on the earth - this experience was amusing , and its proved even nature can give you sweetest lifelong memories. It  was almost seven and  I was still beside my window and was writing this whole experience in my dairy to my surprise I was so lucky that there was sunrise along with rain -Warm sunrays entering directly in my home make my home more bright and my mood too :D :D I don't know it may sound funny and some people may even go whats so new in this but for me it was the most awesome experience and so penned down each and every moment to preserve and cherish it for a life time.

I think its gonna be a never ending wait

Waiting for some one is not easy and its gonna be more worst  when you know that your wait can take your lifetime. Yet you choose to wait ,why ? because for you that person is more worthy than your lifetime wait.
You know that those beautiful memories which you lived together is enough for your whole life to keep your doors open for that person . Although its really painful because ,you can't even tell that person that your wait for him is really taking your life. You can't even explain him the spasm ,you go through when he is not around. And you do all this for his dreams ,because you know its selfish to make him sacrifice his dreams and even harder when you know what his dreams mean to him. You don't want become a hurdle between him and his achievements.
But you also know that this is taking him away from you and you know at a certain point, its gonna affect your relationship badly but still your love for that person makes you stay lip sealed . Even your faith in him starts slowly fading but those memories ,those promises will not let you tear apart that soon .
But at some point of time you will also think , if that person loves you so much,
Why don't he understand the paroxysm which you are going through?
Why can't he envisage that his dreams are slowly breaking you from inside ?
Why don't he realize, what worst you are enduring without him ?
Why he is too stubborn to look beyond his dreams ?
Why don't he visualize ,what's being there on your side ?
For you ,he his your everything but,
Why you are still unaware about what's your place in his life ?
You know if you say ,he will leave everything and comeback to you ,but ,
Why can't he realize all these without saying ?
Why you are supposed to say and explain him everything ?
Why can't he understand your silence ?
And some times it makes you think ,
Will he'll ever be able to understand you beyond your words ?

Today its again raining outside...
All i can wish now is, you to be by my side. 

This season used to be so beautiful with you ...
All now it reminds me is only of the pain ,which i went through.

You promised me that you'll make every path of my life worthwhile ...
But I never knew ,along with you ,you will even take away my smile. 

I know that you are never unfaithful to me ...
But in between your other commitments you lost "us" from you & me.

Still I can feel your essence in this aroma of rain ....
But it makes me sometimes think that, waiting for you is really nothing but vain?

Thanks for coming in my life :) :)

So, I really dont know what to write  about friendship ,because i came to know what friendship means from some extraordinary species. Before meeting them my life use to revolve around me and my family. Till my high school i only had one best  friend , an she was so helpful in every aspect of my life that i never felt ill be needing some one else  because i believe in a saying have one good friend rather than 1000 fake friends ,so thats it -she was all ,she knewed all my secrets ,i used to share everything with her -thats it life was really cool - i never felt i must be having a gang of friends  or something -all though there were other class mates too but never got close with anyone -I am kinda reserved person , i need my own time ,my own space to get familiar ,i can't get that easily involved ,i love to make friends but need my own time to get mix with them. and i even hate back bitching people too ,so really choosy about making friends So that was all but really friends are the most important part of life learnt when "she" my best friend got married and settled out of town ,now that was the worst part.although no one can fill her space in my life, but it was the time to create space for some other people too - It was the time to get the college admissions- -haha- official place to make friends and hangout -was so damn excited-new place and new friends  -but in my life nothing goes as planned - was just about to get my admission forms  ,there comes a job offer -and it was so good that i was convinced that i have to do  this job. So college admission form became trash and went into a dust bin -And here  in job atmosphere everybody so involved in their own work that they  have no time even to speak to some one else so no frnzz here too but now have some really good colleagues here -the only best part here in this job was facebook - yeah when i joined here i never knew facebook existed also ,but slowly and steadily got addicted to it,all though people say fb frnzz are not real ones and wont be able to help you in your problems, they are fake and etc stuff - but for me the whole scenario was different - i really got good friends here -its almost been two years and they are still the best part of my life - they are always there for me when i need - to solve my problems , to make me smile at my worst days ,talking with them can make my day ,they have really became best of my frnzzz , i used to be so upto me but they thot me some really wonderful lessons of my life ,they accepted me the way i am -  today really wanna dedicate this poem to all of my friends who on otherside have became a part of my life .....i know this is not that good but can't find more words to write down -
 You people came in my life without any reasons
And I know ,you all are gonna be with me forever in all the seasons 

No matter how much i feel low or bad 
You are always there to turn my mood happy form sad    

I know with my stupid talks sometimes i may bore you to the core 
Still I know You will always be there by my side and that's what i adore 

you can always make my day more bright 
And  I never know when you all became such inseparable part of my life :)


From unknown to friends ,from friends to best friends ,from best friends to family were our evolution trends ,
I don't know were life will take us ,but i am sure even if we met again after a long break ,we know we will always be the best of friends :) :)

HIS LETTER OF REGRET :(

All he left behind was a letter and a life full of regrets :( 

{image courtesy -google}

Today I am realizing why without saying anything  you ,silently left ……

I am sorry but, I never wanted to be your life’s worst regret

I don’t know when the  journey of “you and me” turned to “we”, but ,It happened for all good,

And I don’t know how passing time made me that rude

I lived a beautiful time of my life along with you

But today I realized that I don’t deserve to be your beau

I have always hurted you by my words and behaviour

And you expected that all life ill be your saviour

Today I regret for all the tears I gave

And for all the broken promises which once I made

I don’t know how I gave you so much pain

And made your eyes all night rain

I realized all this things only when you left

All now I can do is a life long regret

I don’t know if ever again paths of our life will cross or not

But the only thing I wanna say you is that I love you alot

If fate lead us to meet somewhere in the road of life ,this is  just I  wanna say you

Please come back to me ,I promise that ill change for you

THOSE DAYS ...........

Today sitting near the window,I think how times have changed .........
It was the same rainy season ,I remember how you used to come around with a cup of coffee
you always knew this season make me feel low , but u also knew how to bring a smile on my face :)
Today remembering those days

 {image courtesy - google}

Those days when it was your guitar and my lyrics

Those days when there were my sudden mood swings ,but you always used to stand by me

Those times when I used to feel low ,and your those little efforts to make me smile

Those times when the poetry was yours and words in it  were mine

Those time when your happiness used to be the reason of my smile 

Those days when tears were mine and the tissue to wipe them away was yours

Those days when our relationship was like shoes and laces ,without each other ,we were incomplete

Those days when we we used to live for each other

Those days used to be so special ,still tears are mine and memories are yours,the only diffrence is you are not here with the tissue to wipe them away :'(

Still i am thinking of those days ........sitting near the same window ,there are rains, there is coffee but the only thing missing is you :(